If you're a suit, I'm your worst nightmare

Hi there. I work in I.T.

You might work in I.T. as well. If so, enjoy the show. If you're not working in I.T., you may find this interesting anyway. If you're one of those super-corporate types--the kind running a multi-million dollar company with its own I.T. department--well, this just might keep you up at night.

I work for a multi-million dollar company with offices and personnel in (last I checked) eight states. When I say "I work in I.T.", I don't mean I'm doing part-time phone support. Oh, no. I'm in an administrative/managerial position. I fly cross-country on the company's dime to attend meetings and seminars multiple times every year. I sit in on all the high-level admin meetings, and even look like I'm paying attention! I don't wear a suit, but I probably should. I get away with not wearing a suit because I'm in I.T.--which is one of the little perks of the job, as anyone in I.T. will tell you.

I get away with a lot more, too. You see, I'm a slacker. A bad, bad slacker. In fact, I'm writing this from my nice corner office at work. There are a number of other things I should be doing right now, but I'm simply not doing them. Why? It's a long story, really. One that might be familiar to you, especially if you work in I.T.

I used to be that guy who came to work first and was the last to leave. I was the one who fixed every problem with a smile. I was the guy who made your computer and the network it talked to work as flawlessy as they seem to do in the movies. That was me.

Somewhere along the way, though, things happened. My budgeting proposals were shot down. My reliable computer equipment was vetoed in favor of less-expensive (and far less reliable) alternatives. The budgeting I put aside for training for my staff and me was cut outright, even though it was only four percent of the total budget. "You need to train on your own time and your own budget," I was told, while I watched the accounting and other departments get bonuses, reimbursements, and other perks.

From there it just got worse. All the Business Department's stupid budgeting decisions for how to fund and staff the I.T. department created a lot of problems. And who took the heat? Who got screamed at over the phone? Me. Me and my department paid for the miserliness and idiocy of others. Soon, the level of support we were able to provide slipped further and further into crumbling ruin. We did the best with what little we had, and it still wasn't enough. It just gets worse from there. Although I'd love to do so, I really can't give more details, as that would give away who I am and where I work. For now, you'll have to trust me that things took a decided turn for the worse almost a year ago.

It was very, very hard to keep the best people in my department from quitting, and I couldn't keep them all, unfortunately. What was more of a family than just another bunch of wage-slaves grouped together by skill type was shaken a few times as bright and talented (and well-liked) people either quit or were fired for no good reason. I felt guilty for convincing people to stay. "It'll get better," I said, not knowing if it would or not. Before long, you'd walk into my part of the building and think you'd accidentally stumbled upon a funeral.

I started slacking unconciously at first. I'd avoid people (even my own people) because I just didn't want to deal with the stress anymore. I'd spend weeks at a time at my desk, looking busy but not doing a thing. Just sitting there, getting an ulcer, waiting to go home so I could drink myself to sleep. I couldn't sleep because I didn't want to wake up the next day and do it all over again. When I woke up the next day, it took me (literally) 90 minutes to get out of bed every morning, because I didn't want to go to work. I considered quitting and working somewhere else, as I said a few paragraphs earlier. I even considered changing careers; starting over from scratch. As I have two teenage children, a mortgage and a car payment, that didn't seem like a wise idea. I was backed into a corner. Trapped by my job.

Then I ran across this blog article: Reasons Not To Quit Your Job. That last point in particular caught my eye, and in an instant, turned everything around for me.

I know he meant it as a joke, but there's a beauty to its simplicity: Go ahead and quit your job, but do it in your mind.

I really need to explain something here. You see, I was taught by my parents to give 100%. I was taught that I should be the best I could possibly be at whatever I chose to do. So, I was feeling very down on myself for slacking at work. I felt like I was failing myself, my family and my parents, who taught me my work ethic. God knows I was also failing my I.T. Department.

But I've learned something my parents didn't: not everyone deserves your 100%. Big multi-zillion dollar corporations encourage this kind of work ethic, but not because they see it as honorable, like my father did. They're only interested in bleeding you dry for their own gain. Unless your'e a stockholder, they don't care about you, let alone your "work ethic". So it stands to reason: if giving your 100% isn't more honorable, how can giving 1% be less honorable?

My I.T. department instantly noticed my change in mood. I had been under a cloud for almost eight months, and in an instant, I was smiling and happy. "What's your secret?" they asked. I showed them all Brad's blog article. One by one, they looked up from their monitors at me and smiled.

We had a new work ethic.

It works, too! Granted, we've only been doing this for a couple of weeks, but we're the happiest department in the company. We're like family again. We have each other's backs. We cover for one another when one of us decides to skip work for the day. When one of us has been slacking so much that something important gets missed or forgotten, we all pitch in and either help or assist in bullshitting the other departments long enough to cover the blunder. It's the perfect job.

I will share our techniques in future blog posts. I'll admit right now that we don't have many. This is all still new for us, and we're winging it as we go along. Who knows? We may all end up caught in the act and fired. I don't see how (I'll explain in a later post), but it's possible.

Anyway, this blog serves a number of purposes:

* It's an amusing sort of confessional for me.
* It's a convenient place to chronicle our new work ethic. After all, it may or may not work long-term.
* It's a how-to to help you and your I.T. department achieve the same level of happiness we're now enjoying here.
* It makes me look busy at work. :)

At any rate, I hope you get something out of it. I'll warn you now: I will be lying about some things. They'll only be company-related things, as I need to guard my identity, but I thought I'd be up-front with you about that right away. It's not to decieve you as much as it's to protect who I am and where I am. I hope you don't mind.