Was slacking off today, and ran across the following two articles:
Why I'm not a Sysadmin, and Fear of Firing.
The first one does a good job explaining the problems faced when working in an IT-related career, while the second one is an interesting treatment on why businesses are loathe to fire even their most incompetent employees.
Interesting reads. Check them out! I'll be posting more about my department soon.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Reaffirming my Sense of Slack
In writing yesterday's posts (Trick numbers One and Two), a little voice in the back of my head kept saying, "You know, some people are going to read that and wonder why you're trying so hard to slack. They'll assuredly send you some comments telling you how much easier it would be to just work!"
I hear that a lot from family, actually: "Wouldn't it be much easier to just work?"
My answer? "Nope."
For starters, it's easier on my mental health and blood pressure to slack off, knowing that I'm getting paid for slacking off, and knowing that I'm essentially ripping off my employers by doing so. Revenge isn't a dish best served cold. It's a dish that's naturally sweet and tasty, if you do it right.
Oh, I could go on and on, but I'm actually thinking about picking up writing again. You know that novel I started about a year ago? Well, you don't, but I did, and it exists.
I'll be rewriting that thing at work, I think. Thank you, Google Docs and Spreadsheets!
(Note to self: Create future blog post with a list of awesome "slack at work" tools!)
Anyway, the whole point of this post is to show you one thing. I kind of got off-track there for a minute.
I ran across an article just now, called "22 ways to kick that afternoon office rut", and read it over, smiling to myself.
See, I used to read these things religiously, in the vain hope that it would help me get through just One More Work Day. It was pretty sad, actually.
Now, I have one solution, instead of twenty-two. Just Quit...in your mind.
Problem solved! Thanks, Brad.
I hear that a lot from family, actually: "Wouldn't it be much easier to just work?"
My answer? "Nope."
For starters, it's easier on my mental health and blood pressure to slack off, knowing that I'm getting paid for slacking off, and knowing that I'm essentially ripping off my employers by doing so. Revenge isn't a dish best served cold. It's a dish that's naturally sweet and tasty, if you do it right.
Oh, I could go on and on, but I'm actually thinking about picking up writing again. You know that novel I started about a year ago? Well, you don't, but I did, and it exists.
I'll be rewriting that thing at work, I think. Thank you, Google Docs and Spreadsheets!
(Note to self: Create future blog post with a list of awesome "slack at work" tools!)
Anyway, the whole point of this post is to show you one thing. I kind of got off-track there for a minute.
I ran across an article just now, called "22 ways to kick that afternoon office rut", and read it over, smiling to myself.
See, I used to read these things religiously, in the vain hope that it would help me get through just One More Work Day. It was pretty sad, actually.
Now, I have one solution, instead of twenty-two. Just Quit...in your mind.
Problem solved! Thanks, Brad.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Trick Number Two
Many Hands equal Light Work
This trick just occurred to me, and I thought I should write it down. I don't know how well it'll work, but it's worth a shot.
Here's the general idea:
We're all pretty much sitting here wasting company time and not doing much of anything. So what happens when a problem comes along that you can't put aside with the "Nag Lag" rule? What happens when something actually needs to be fixed RIGHT NOW?
Simple answer: everyone pitches in.
If it's a strange problem that requires a lot of obscure Googling, then everyone Googles it and shares their best hits. Once the solution is found, the person the problem was originally assigned to delivers it to the end user and gets the credit for the fix. If it's a problem that was thrown at the department in general, we'll rotate problem-solvers so everyone gets a chance to shine.
This will serve two purposes:
* Everyone under me looks like a real problem-solver and go-getter, which will really come in handy for them at review time. I want all my people to get regular raises and bonuses. I don't want anyone to leave, especially with the knowledge that we're an entire department of slackers.
* The entire IT department benefits: we look like a department of whiz kids when any and all of us are able to solve the weirdest problems.
Just a thought I'll run by the department at some point. Not now, though. Too much slacking to be done, after all. :)
This trick just occurred to me, and I thought I should write it down. I don't know how well it'll work, but it's worth a shot.
Here's the general idea:
We're all pretty much sitting here wasting company time and not doing much of anything. So what happens when a problem comes along that you can't put aside with the "Nag Lag" rule? What happens when something actually needs to be fixed RIGHT NOW?
Simple answer: everyone pitches in.
If it's a strange problem that requires a lot of obscure Googling, then everyone Googles it and shares their best hits. Once the solution is found, the person the problem was originally assigned to delivers it to the end user and gets the credit for the fix. If it's a problem that was thrown at the department in general, we'll rotate problem-solvers so everyone gets a chance to shine.
This will serve two purposes:
* Everyone under me looks like a real problem-solver and go-getter, which will really come in handy for them at review time. I want all my people to get regular raises and bonuses. I don't want anyone to leave, especially with the knowledge that we're an entire department of slackers.
* The entire IT department benefits: we look like a department of whiz kids when any and all of us are able to solve the weirdest problems.
Just a thought I'll run by the department at some point. Not now, though. Too much slacking to be done, after all. :)
Trick Number One
We're compiling a list of tricks here in the IT department. You know, little things that seem to make the job go smoother while keeping to the all-important "I've quit...in my mind" rule. We share these within the department, to make everyone's lives a little easier. I'll also be sharing them here with you, dear reader, in the hopes that you can use them to your advantage.
I've decided (with unanimous support from the department) that any and all tricks must conform to the following three guidelines before they can be considered for entry to The List. These three guidelines have been dubbed "The Holy Trinity", and are detailed below:
The Holy Trinity:
All rules...
* ...must keep tech support from going crazy, even if only as a by-product.
* ...must not endanger the "I've quit in my mind" mantra. Bonus points if the trick actually obscures this mantra, and makes you look more productive than you actually are.
* ...must train the end users, administrative staff, and/or bosses and suits.
Today's trick is called The Nag Lag, and it's very simple. If you work in tech support, you know that there are end users who call you up the instant something goes wrong, no matter how trivial the problem really is. They're either scared of computers in general, or just don't like to think. After all, what's the point in learning anything about your computer when tech support's just a phone call away? This happens quite frequently at the Company here.
As a result, we delay our solution. Via email, this is easy: simply don't answer the email for an hour or so. Over the phone is a little more difficult. There's only so many times you can say, "I've written down your problem and I'll get back to you ASAP, but I'm in the middle of a server crisis right now", or words to that effect. Perhaps I'll have the team here compile a list of suitable "Nag Lag" phrases for a future post.
So, why do we delay our support? It's simple: at the Company here, we've noticed that, if the end user is left to her own devices (e.g., while waiting for tech support to call back), she will usually figure out the problem on her own. She may even follow up with an email or phone message saying, "I figured it out! It was stupid. Nevermind!" and all is right with the world.
Remember, the trick is to slack off as much as possible while keeping everyone else as happy as possible, and therefore completely clueless to the fact that you're an entire IT department who's already quit their jobs but are still collecting paychecks from the Company.
We like this trick for a number of reasons.
First, it keeps us from pulling our hair out by answering the same five stupid questions every day.
Second, it works: you don't get burned for slacking off if you use this trick--just claim that you're absolutely swamped and can't get back to them right away, but you're seriously looking into the problem and will have a solution shortly.
Third, it trains the users. If you give out immediate answers, the end users will assume that you will give out future answers and solutions in the same time frame. As long as the users are used to a distinct time delay between when they request help and when they get their answers, you and your IT department won't be pressured by the "FIX IT NOW!" types as often as you would otherwise. It also makes you look very, very busy if you do it right.
You can see that the Nag Lag follows all three Holy Trinity guidelines. It's a good trick. I heartily recommend it. Post a comment below if you've used the Nag Lag, or if you have a better idea.
I've decided (with unanimous support from the department) that any and all tricks must conform to the following three guidelines before they can be considered for entry to The List. These three guidelines have been dubbed "The Holy Trinity", and are detailed below:
The Holy Trinity:
All rules...
* ...must keep tech support from going crazy, even if only as a by-product.
* ...must not endanger the "I've quit in my mind" mantra. Bonus points if the trick actually obscures this mantra, and makes you look more productive than you actually are.
* ...must train the end users, administrative staff, and/or bosses and suits.
Today's trick is called The Nag Lag, and it's very simple. If you work in tech support, you know that there are end users who call you up the instant something goes wrong, no matter how trivial the problem really is. They're either scared of computers in general, or just don't like to think. After all, what's the point in learning anything about your computer when tech support's just a phone call away? This happens quite frequently at the Company here.
As a result, we delay our solution. Via email, this is easy: simply don't answer the email for an hour or so. Over the phone is a little more difficult. There's only so many times you can say, "I've written down your problem and I'll get back to you ASAP, but I'm in the middle of a server crisis right now", or words to that effect. Perhaps I'll have the team here compile a list of suitable "Nag Lag" phrases for a future post.
So, why do we delay our support? It's simple: at the Company here, we've noticed that, if the end user is left to her own devices (e.g., while waiting for tech support to call back), she will usually figure out the problem on her own. She may even follow up with an email or phone message saying, "I figured it out! It was stupid. Nevermind!" and all is right with the world.
Remember, the trick is to slack off as much as possible while keeping everyone else as happy as possible, and therefore completely clueless to the fact that you're an entire IT department who's already quit their jobs but are still collecting paychecks from the Company.
We like this trick for a number of reasons.
First, it keeps us from pulling our hair out by answering the same five stupid questions every day.
Second, it works: you don't get burned for slacking off if you use this trick--just claim that you're absolutely swamped and can't get back to them right away, but you're seriously looking into the problem and will have a solution shortly.
Third, it trains the users. If you give out immediate answers, the end users will assume that you will give out future answers and solutions in the same time frame. As long as the users are used to a distinct time delay between when they request help and when they get their answers, you and your IT department won't be pressured by the "FIX IT NOW!" types as often as you would otherwise. It also makes you look very, very busy if you do it right.
You can see that the Nag Lag follows all three Holy Trinity guidelines. It's a good trick. I heartily recommend it. Post a comment below if you've used the Nag Lag, or if you have a better idea.
Friday, April 13, 2007
If you're a suit, I'm your worst nightmare
Hi there. I work in I.T.
You might work in I.T. as well. If so, enjoy the show. If you're not working in I.T., you may find this interesting anyway. If you're one of those super-corporate types--the kind running a multi-million dollar company with its own I.T. department--well, this just might keep you up at night.
I work for a multi-million dollar company with offices and personnel in (last I checked) eight states. When I say "I work in I.T.", I don't mean I'm doing part-time phone support. Oh, no. I'm in an administrative/managerial position. I fly cross-country on the company's dime to attend meetings and seminars multiple times every year. I sit in on all the high-level admin meetings, and even look like I'm paying attention! I don't wear a suit, but I probably should. I get away with not wearing a suit because I'm in I.T.--which is one of the little perks of the job, as anyone in I.T. will tell you.
I get away with a lot more, too. You see, I'm a slacker. A bad, bad slacker. In fact, I'm writing this from my nice corner office at work. There are a number of other things I should be doing right now, but I'm simply not doing them. Why? It's a long story, really. One that might be familiar to you, especially if you work in I.T.
I used to be that guy who came to work first and was the last to leave. I was the one who fixed every problem with a smile. I was the guy who made your computer and the network it talked to work as flawlessy as they seem to do in the movies. That was me.
Somewhere along the way, though, things happened. My budgeting proposals were shot down. My reliable computer equipment was vetoed in favor of less-expensive (and far less reliable) alternatives. The budgeting I put aside for training for my staff and me was cut outright, even though it was only four percent of the total budget. "You need to train on your own time and your own budget," I was told, while I watched the accounting and other departments get bonuses, reimbursements, and other perks.
From there it just got worse. All the Business Department's stupid budgeting decisions for how to fund and staff the I.T. department created a lot of problems. And who took the heat? Who got screamed at over the phone? Me. Me and my department paid for the miserliness and idiocy of others. Soon, the level of support we were able to provide slipped further and further into crumbling ruin. We did the best with what little we had, and it still wasn't enough. It just gets worse from there. Although I'd love to do so, I really can't give more details, as that would give away who I am and where I work. For now, you'll have to trust me that things took a decided turn for the worse almost a year ago.
It was very, very hard to keep the best people in my department from quitting, and I couldn't keep them all, unfortunately. What was more of a family than just another bunch of wage-slaves grouped together by skill type was shaken a few times as bright and talented (and well-liked) people either quit or were fired for no good reason. I felt guilty for convincing people to stay. "It'll get better," I said, not knowing if it would or not. Before long, you'd walk into my part of the building and think you'd accidentally stumbled upon a funeral.
I started slacking unconciously at first. I'd avoid people (even my own people) because I just didn't want to deal with the stress anymore. I'd spend weeks at a time at my desk, looking busy but not doing a thing. Just sitting there, getting an ulcer, waiting to go home so I could drink myself to sleep. I couldn't sleep because I didn't want to wake up the next day and do it all over again. When I woke up the next day, it took me (literally) 90 minutes to get out of bed every morning, because I didn't want to go to work. I considered quitting and working somewhere else, as I said a few paragraphs earlier. I even considered changing careers; starting over from scratch. As I have two teenage children, a mortgage and a car payment, that didn't seem like a wise idea. I was backed into a corner. Trapped by my job.
Then I ran across this blog article: Reasons Not To Quit Your Job. That last point in particular caught my eye, and in an instant, turned everything around for me.
I know he meant it as a joke, but there's a beauty to its simplicity: Go ahead and quit your job, but do it in your mind.
I really need to explain something here. You see, I was taught by my parents to give 100%. I was taught that I should be the best I could possibly be at whatever I chose to do. So, I was feeling very down on myself for slacking at work. I felt like I was failing myself, my family and my parents, who taught me my work ethic. God knows I was also failing my I.T. Department.
But I've learned something my parents didn't: not everyone deserves your 100%. Big multi-zillion dollar corporations encourage this kind of work ethic, but not because they see it as honorable, like my father did. They're only interested in bleeding you dry for their own gain. Unless your'e a stockholder, they don't care about you, let alone your "work ethic". So it stands to reason: if giving your 100% isn't more honorable, how can giving 1% be less honorable?
My I.T. department instantly noticed my change in mood. I had been under a cloud for almost eight months, and in an instant, I was smiling and happy. "What's your secret?" they asked. I showed them all Brad's blog article. One by one, they looked up from their monitors at me and smiled.
We had a new work ethic.
It works, too! Granted, we've only been doing this for a couple of weeks, but we're the happiest department in the company. We're like family again. We have each other's backs. We cover for one another when one of us decides to skip work for the day. When one of us has been slacking so much that something important gets missed or forgotten, we all pitch in and either help or assist in bullshitting the other departments long enough to cover the blunder. It's the perfect job.
I will share our techniques in future blog posts. I'll admit right now that we don't have many. This is all still new for us, and we're winging it as we go along. Who knows? We may all end up caught in the act and fired. I don't see how (I'll explain in a later post), but it's possible.
Anyway, this blog serves a number of purposes:
* It's an amusing sort of confessional for me.
* It's a convenient place to chronicle our new work ethic. After all, it may or may not work long-term.
* It's a how-to to help you and your I.T. department achieve the same level of happiness we're now enjoying here.
* It makes me look busy at work. :)
At any rate, I hope you get something out of it. I'll warn you now: I will be lying about some things. They'll only be company-related things, as I need to guard my identity, but I thought I'd be up-front with you about that right away. It's not to decieve you as much as it's to protect who I am and where I am. I hope you don't mind.
You might work in I.T. as well. If so, enjoy the show. If you're not working in I.T., you may find this interesting anyway. If you're one of those super-corporate types--the kind running a multi-million dollar company with its own I.T. department--well, this just might keep you up at night.
I work for a multi-million dollar company with offices and personnel in (last I checked) eight states. When I say "I work in I.T.", I don't mean I'm doing part-time phone support. Oh, no. I'm in an administrative/managerial position. I fly cross-country on the company's dime to attend meetings and seminars multiple times every year. I sit in on all the high-level admin meetings, and even look like I'm paying attention! I don't wear a suit, but I probably should. I get away with not wearing a suit because I'm in I.T.--which is one of the little perks of the job, as anyone in I.T. will tell you.
I get away with a lot more, too. You see, I'm a slacker. A bad, bad slacker. In fact, I'm writing this from my nice corner office at work. There are a number of other things I should be doing right now, but I'm simply not doing them. Why? It's a long story, really. One that might be familiar to you, especially if you work in I.T.
I used to be that guy who came to work first and was the last to leave. I was the one who fixed every problem with a smile. I was the guy who made your computer and the network it talked to work as flawlessy as they seem to do in the movies. That was me.
Somewhere along the way, though, things happened. My budgeting proposals were shot down. My reliable computer equipment was vetoed in favor of less-expensive (and far less reliable) alternatives. The budgeting I put aside for training for my staff and me was cut outright, even though it was only four percent of the total budget. "You need to train on your own time and your own budget," I was told, while I watched the accounting and other departments get bonuses, reimbursements, and other perks.
From there it just got worse. All the Business Department's stupid budgeting decisions for how to fund and staff the I.T. department created a lot of problems. And who took the heat? Who got screamed at over the phone? Me. Me and my department paid for the miserliness and idiocy of others. Soon, the level of support we were able to provide slipped further and further into crumbling ruin. We did the best with what little we had, and it still wasn't enough. It just gets worse from there. Although I'd love to do so, I really can't give more details, as that would give away who I am and where I work. For now, you'll have to trust me that things took a decided turn for the worse almost a year ago.
It was very, very hard to keep the best people in my department from quitting, and I couldn't keep them all, unfortunately. What was more of a family than just another bunch of wage-slaves grouped together by skill type was shaken a few times as bright and talented (and well-liked) people either quit or were fired for no good reason. I felt guilty for convincing people to stay. "It'll get better," I said, not knowing if it would or not. Before long, you'd walk into my part of the building and think you'd accidentally stumbled upon a funeral.
I started slacking unconciously at first. I'd avoid people (even my own people) because I just didn't want to deal with the stress anymore. I'd spend weeks at a time at my desk, looking busy but not doing a thing. Just sitting there, getting an ulcer, waiting to go home so I could drink myself to sleep. I couldn't sleep because I didn't want to wake up the next day and do it all over again. When I woke up the next day, it took me (literally) 90 minutes to get out of bed every morning, because I didn't want to go to work. I considered quitting and working somewhere else, as I said a few paragraphs earlier. I even considered changing careers; starting over from scratch. As I have two teenage children, a mortgage and a car payment, that didn't seem like a wise idea. I was backed into a corner. Trapped by my job.
Then I ran across this blog article: Reasons Not To Quit Your Job. That last point in particular caught my eye, and in an instant, turned everything around for me.
I know he meant it as a joke, but there's a beauty to its simplicity: Go ahead and quit your job, but do it in your mind.
I really need to explain something here. You see, I was taught by my parents to give 100%. I was taught that I should be the best I could possibly be at whatever I chose to do. So, I was feeling very down on myself for slacking at work. I felt like I was failing myself, my family and my parents, who taught me my work ethic. God knows I was also failing my I.T. Department.
But I've learned something my parents didn't: not everyone deserves your 100%. Big multi-zillion dollar corporations encourage this kind of work ethic, but not because they see it as honorable, like my father did. They're only interested in bleeding you dry for their own gain. Unless your'e a stockholder, they don't care about you, let alone your "work ethic". So it stands to reason: if giving your 100% isn't more honorable, how can giving 1% be less honorable?
My I.T. department instantly noticed my change in mood. I had been under a cloud for almost eight months, and in an instant, I was smiling and happy. "What's your secret?" they asked. I showed them all Brad's blog article. One by one, they looked up from their monitors at me and smiled.
We had a new work ethic.
It works, too! Granted, we've only been doing this for a couple of weeks, but we're the happiest department in the company. We're like family again. We have each other's backs. We cover for one another when one of us decides to skip work for the day. When one of us has been slacking so much that something important gets missed or forgotten, we all pitch in and either help or assist in bullshitting the other departments long enough to cover the blunder. It's the perfect job.
I will share our techniques in future blog posts. I'll admit right now that we don't have many. This is all still new for us, and we're winging it as we go along. Who knows? We may all end up caught in the act and fired. I don't see how (I'll explain in a later post), but it's possible.
Anyway, this blog serves a number of purposes:
* It's an amusing sort of confessional for me.
* It's a convenient place to chronicle our new work ethic. After all, it may or may not work long-term.
* It's a how-to to help you and your I.T. department achieve the same level of happiness we're now enjoying here.
* It makes me look busy at work. :)
At any rate, I hope you get something out of it. I'll warn you now: I will be lying about some things. They'll only be company-related things, as I need to guard my identity, but I thought I'd be up-front with you about that right away. It's not to decieve you as much as it's to protect who I am and where I am. I hope you don't mind.
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